Nicholas Maylor
There are goofs — which are forgivable to an extent. And then there are these. Simply unforgivable. Here is the list of 5 dumbest movie mistakes.
1. PACIFIC RIM – Dinosaurs had 2 brains
“Now we both know that the Kaiju are so large they need two brains to move around, like a dinosaur.”
This quote is filled with all kinds of wrong. Charlie Day’s character is supposedly the expert in this in this movie and while he seems to know a lot about the Kaiju, he evidently knows absolutely nothing about earth-based animals. Dinosaurs did not have 2 brains. They aren’t some weird, sci-fi animal that’s different from all other living things with a spine. The term “dinosaur” refers to millions of different species, varying in size and none of them have more than one brain. Large animals don’t need 2 brains to “move around,” either. The blue whale is larger than any known dinosaur and it does just fine with a single brain. Some tree and fungus systems are bigger than all animals and they have NO BRAIN. Even if the “big animals need 2 brains to move” thing was true, being a dinosaur has nothing to do with size. Many dinosaurs were tiny. Some were as small as pigeons and other birds. Like birds, they come in all sizes. Ostriches and sparrows are both birds. This line was not needed to move the plot forward. The quote would serve the same purpose without the last 3 words. Dinosaurs get no respect at all.
Speaking of dinosaurs…
2. BATMAN & ROBIN – The ice age killed the dinosaurs
“What killed the dinosaurs? The ice age!”
Aside from being one of the countless, insufferable puns that Arnold makes in this wonderful mess of a film, this line irritates me significantly more than the others. The dinosaurs were not killed by the ice age. The dinosaurs were “killed” during the Cretaceous-Paleogene (K-Pg) extinction event. Occurring approximately 66 million years ago, the event is generally thought to have been triggered by a massive comet or asteroid. An ice age did follow this event but it was not what “killed” the dinosaurs. Moreover, it cannot be argued that the ice age was the final “nail in the coffin” for the dinosaurs, either. Dinosaurs were never actually killed off. All modern species of bird are technically “dinosaurs.” Someone should have called bullshit. If we have to sit through an entire film filled with Arnold Schwarzenegger and his stupid puns, this just adds insult to injury.
3. PATCH ADAMS – Only humans kill members of their own species
“You know, Truman… in all of God’s creations, only human beings kill their own species.”
This statement is false. Although we humans are the all-time champions of intra-species murder, we didn’t invent it and we don’t own it. Lots of insects and spiders eat each other after (or DURING) sex. The female praying mantis will sever and EAT the male’s head before the sex (with his headless body) has even started. Male predators across many species will kill the offspring of rival males just to be assholes. Males will kill rival males for any number of reasons. The animal kingdom, in general, is full of aimless death and horribleness. Blood-thirsty animals do not discriminate when selecting their victims just because they’re the same species. We’re still the best at it though.
4. EXTRACT – Guitar store dudes don’t know basic terminology
“Your dad will LOVE these humbuckings.”
Two guys who work at a large chain music store, hit on Mila Kunis because, she’s Mila Kunis. They swoon over a beautiful, red, Gibson ES-335 that she is feigning interest in buying. The 2 men act like pretentious musicians, talking their best game to impress the pretty lady. When she asks what “colours” the model is available in, they both correct her, clarifying that the term is “finishes.” These characters are supposed to be this way and all of the above is forgivable but at one point, one of the men refers to dual coil-pickups (humbucking pickups or humbuckers) as “humbuckings.” This is guitar 101 level terminology here and it’s absurd that this mistake would occur. While it is possible that this was intentional in order for the character appear dumber, I don’t buy it. I think they messed up. Maybe I’m nit-picking here. When I’m not writing, I pretend to be a musician sometimes.
5. PUBLIC ENEMIES – John Dillinger mispronounces his own name
Entire Script
Michael Mann’s film about the legendary outlaw is riddled with factual and historical accuracies, despite at least one person involved with the film, making a point that accuracy was important to the production, prior to the film’s release. All of that is going to get a pass here but there is one detail that tips the scale. John Dillinger pronounced his name with a hard “G” (as in ringer) but everyone in the film says it with a soft “G” (as in ranger). All of the other flaws can be excused for storytelling purposes (at least for the purposes of this list) but this mistake makes me call foul. Even if he corrected some other character just once, it could have been forgivable. This error isn’t unforgivable by itself but due to the film’s several inaccuracies, this one is exactly one too many.
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