John H. Foote
It was a great year at the movies but when they stunk, man they stunk with an odor I cannot remember being as funky. The bad were brutally bad this year. What is shocking are the number of big budget studio films on the list, hundreds of millions of dollars wasted on these dreadful films. It staggers me that someone actually sits and read the scripts for these films and wrongly decides it would make a great film. Granted it helps if a strong director is attached, but does it all not start with a great story…it does indeed.
2016 showed us a remake that never should have happened, star turns by actors who made fools of themselves, a well regarded auteur proving his films have become artistic masturbation, four terrible sequels, and some films that were so terrible they were insulting and downright demeaning to the actors in them and the audiences watching.
It never ceases to astound me how they sink hundreds of millions of dollars into terrible films, and of course I understand that no one sets out to make a bad film. But it all begins with the story and if the story is terrible, why do it…and the scripts below were weak, made terrible by a director who did not grasp it, and actors who lost their way. The only word for the films listed below is wretched. Here is the list of top worst movies of 2016.
10. Collateral Beauty
A manipulative, soggy drama with A-list actors. The biggest surprise isn’t that the film itself is so bad, but rather how on earth did so many A-list actors that includes the likes of Helen Mirren, Kate Winslet, Edward Norton signed on to do the film. Do I smell money? You bet, I do.
9. Batman v Superman
The first viewing, it is not terrible, perhaps because we are so bowled over by the fact we are watching Batman fight FREAKING Superman. But the second viewing the plot holes yawn before us like caverns, the only one giving a performance is Ben Affleck, terrific as Batman-Bruce Wayne, and it is non-stop destruction and noise, noise, noise. Henry Cavill again displays not one iota of charisma as Superman or even Clark Kent. No I am not the Grinch, it was really noisy and in hindsight, really bad. Loved seeing Wonder Woman make her debut, but at the end of the day it is not about anything.
8. Independence Day: Resurgence
Twenty years after we kicked their ass, the aliens who came to conquer, are back with greater technology and in greater numbers. Mankind has learned much from their weapons and ships so we are a formidable match, but this time their queen has come, and she is one big ass alien. This time the President does not climb in a fighter jet (can you see Trump doing that?) the fighting is left to the military.
7. Ben Hur
Simply put the most unnecessary film of the year. With the 1959 classic circulating on Blu Ray we did not need a remake of the film. It is awful from the opening and though the chariot race is well shot and edited, the film is a mess. I have seen it once, and know I never have to see it again. For anyone who ever disparaged Charlton Heston as a fine actor, watch this and you believe him to be in the same league as Brando. Jack Huston was superb on Boardwalk Empire, but looks lost here amidst the sets and horses. He lacks the charisma Heston brought to the screen with his granite jaw and piercing eyes. Never thought I would say I have had enough of Morgan Freeman but..
6. Bad Santa 2
I loved Bad Santa (2003) the first film, just loved it for its black comedy, irreverence and Billy Bob Thornton’s wonderful performance as Willy, a department store Santa with eyes on the safe filled with shoppers cash on Christmas Eve. Reunited with his partner in crime, Marcus, and this time even his nasty criminal lifer mom, Kathy Bates in full bitch mode, Willy is as bad as he ever was, but we have seen it before, and done better. Just not funny.
5. Gods of Egypt
A stupid movie. The more I say about it, might actually send people running to see it. Go for it, waste the same two hours I did, but do so with the knowledge that is time you will never get back. The visual effects look like a video game, and the performances .. the less said the better.
4. Alice Through the Looking Glass
Why a sequel? The Oscar winning first film did very well at the box office and with critics but, did it really warrant a sequel…apparently, but did it have to stink to high heaven. Repulsive in every way…like a bad acid trip.
3. Office Christmas Party
Crass, bloated and vulgar, the TV ads show the film for what it is. What is really too bad is that there are good people in this including Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston, both much better actors than this suggests.
2. Zoolander 2
The first film developed a cult following, this one will not. In fact Ben Stiller might rue the day he made the film.I rue the day I endured it. In fact, I rue the day they decided to make the first one which led to this nightmare, and I mean that kindly. I hated it, and I hate that someone out there thought it would be funny. It is not funny it is insulting and stupid.
1. Dirty Grandpa
Robert De Niro makes a complete jack ass of himself as an irreverent grandfather who uses every twisted cliche to get laid by a college girl just days after his wife dies. Along the way, on their road trip, every racist and homophobe insult, joke is uttered, his grandson smokes crack, which is supposed to be funny, lies, steals, gets drunk, uses many other drugs, proves to be as misogynistic as his grandpa. Zac Efron looks humiliated to be a part of this hellish mess, and De Niro….the good news is he can never sink lower than he does here, the bad news is we know he will try. What good can be found in a film that tries to find humour in pedophilia but as I said, De Niro will manage to go lower. With each film he does, it becomes tougher to believe he once ruled the seventies and eighties. How far he has fallen!
Read More: Biggest Box Office Bombs of 2016
