Aahana Swrup
‘Surviving the Silence: The Roxane Gay Story’ brings to the screen the real life of the titular author. Specifically, the film adapts Roxane Gay’s 2017 autobiography ‘Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body,’ which delves into the best-selling author’s past, notably through her relationship with her body image. The narrative takes the viewers all the way back to 1986, the year Roxane turns 12 and undergoes a horrific, sexually violent attack.
The aftermath finds the young girl traumatized and unable to share the truth of her experiences with anyone. As time passes by, she begins relying on unhealthy coping and defense mechanisms, one of which involves overeating. Eventually, Roxane’s weight and her relationship with her body continue to cast a perpetual shadow over her romantic relationships. In the film, Melony and Gareth enter the protagonist’s life as two of her most notable and influential partners. In the real world, Gay, who has had a fluctuating identity in the public eye, is married to celebrated artist Debbie Millman.
Roxane Gay Identified as a Lesbian Before Coming Out as a Bisexual Woman
Roxane Gay first came out when she was 19 years old. The author, solely an aspiring one at the time, was born in Omaha, Nebraska, and grew up in New Hampshire. She came from a Catholic family with both parents, Michael and Nicole, of Haitian descent. Growing up, she had no notable queer peers or idols to look up to. Therefore, after coming out, the LGBTQ+ community, especially the lesbian and sapphic corners within it, proved to be a welcoming and safe space for her. However, even at the time, Gay knew that the label she was choosing for herself wasn’t entirely right. Much like her attraction towards women, the author has also always been attracted to men. Nonetheless, at that point in her life, confronting, accepting, and claiming that attraction proved to be difficult.
In 2017, after coming out as bisexual, Gay spoke about her experiences and what made her favor the lesbian label even if it wasn’t the right fit. In an interview with NPR, she shared, “When I came out, I knew it wasn’t the whole truth. I knew that I was also still attracted to men, but I was so scared of me that I just thought, “OK, I’m just going to find some safe harbor here,” and so I wanted to be the best lesbian I could so that maybe that would make my attraction to men go away. No community has been more welcoming to me, and when I needed community the most, (that) community was there for me. It was like discovering water for the first time, discovering clean air for the first time — to be seen, and to be appreciated and to be thought of as sexy and beautiful, it was just invaluable, and I will never, ever forget the ways in which I was embraced by my community as I came out.”
Today, Gay proudly embraces her bisexual identity and remains a celebrated and respected pillar of the LGBTQ+ community. Notably, in 2017, she penned the issues of the Marvel comic ‘Black Panther: World of Wakanda,’ alongside poet Yona Harvey. The comic followed the stories of a pair who formerly served as the Dora Milaje, Wakanda’s all-female security force. In 2020, she married the love of her life, Debbie Millman, an artist and a fellow author. The two met on Millman’s podcast Design Matters, where Gay appeared as a guest. After recording the episode, the host asked the author out on an official date, and the two have been together and in love ever since.
Read More: Surviving the Silence: Is Christopher Based on a Real Person?
