What Was in Conrad Roy III’s Videos? How Many Did He Make?

Image Credit: Steve Dietl/Hulu

‘The Girl from Plainville’ follows the story of Conrad Roy III’s death and the events surrounding the tragedy. The Hulu miniseries delves into the story through multiple timelines, detailing the relationship between Conrad and Michelle Carter and the legal proceedings against the latter due to her role in the former’s death. One of the few times we get to see Conrad truly be himself is when he records short monologues on his computer.

The teenager lays out frank thoughts about his struggles with anxiety and how he is actually better off than many others. Particularly heartbreaking is a point in episode 6 when Lynn, Conrad’s mother, watches the videos after her son’s death. If you want to delve deeper into the story, here’s what you need to know about the real-life videos that Conrad Roy III left behind. SPOILERS AHEAD.

What Was in Conrad Roy’s Videos?

The show depicts Conrad filming videos of himself, a sort of video diary, multiple times. In each of them, he displays a variety of conflicting emotions and thoughts, giving viewers a glimpse of his internal turmoil. The real-life videos that Conrad Roy III filmed of himself were more somber. He made them a few weeks before he passed away from carbon monoxide asphyxiation. Conrad was found in his truck on July 13, 2014, at a KMart parking lot in Fairhaven, Massachusetts. The videos — which were found on his computer after his death — were also shown during Michelle Carter’s 2017 trial.

In one of the videos, Conrad talks about his battles with declining mental health and how he is trying but unable to do things that will help him get better. He is simultaneously introspective and critical of himself, saying — “What I am doing is looking at myself so negatively. Looking at myself as a minuscule, little particle, on the face of this earth, that is no good.” Conrad then says, seemingly about himself — “It’s no good, trash, never be successful. Never have a wife, never have kids, never learn.”

Conrad stares into his computer’s camera throughout the videos, keeping a relatively neutral expression. However, his words depict a certain agony and internal turmoil. At one point, he clearly speaks the troubling words — “I’ve created a monster out of myself the past few years because of my depression, racing thoughts, suicidal thoughts.”

How Many Videos Did Conrad Roy Make?

In total, it appears that two self-recorded videos of Conrad were discovered on his computer after his death. The first one was about two minutes in length. The second one was longer and ran for almost six minutes. It appears that the Hulu series takes particular inspiration from the second video, especially in the footage that Lynn watches in episode 6. On the show, Conrad talks about how he is better off than a lot of people on his recording.

Image Credit: MassLive/YouTube

In reality, in the second recording, Conrad actually said — “I have a lot going for me.” Conrad Roy’s recordings remain a brief but eye-opening and heartwrenching reminder of the internal turmoil he faced. They make clear the challenges he endured due to his anxiety and depression and how he could objectively see how his thoughts about himself were making things worse. Ultimately, the fact that the recordings were discovered after his passing away makes things all the more tragic.

Read More: Did Michelle Carter Have an Eating Disorder?